oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
