I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
