I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
