dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
