Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
