If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
