my phone needs a breathalizer
i think i have two assholes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
