Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he puts the penis in happiness.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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