Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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