So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
