Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
