By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
