Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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