Pants 0. Shit 1.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
