I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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