So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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