Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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