ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
