Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
