dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
