We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
