I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
