I'm eating all of the evidence.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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