I wish life had little blips of pornography
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
