I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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