Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
