Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
