I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
