Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
