i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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