she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
