Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
