ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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