One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
