He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
