why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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