Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
