you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
