Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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