pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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