He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
