Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That accounts for only three of the penises
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
