Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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