i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
