Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
