I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
