dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
