I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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