I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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