I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize