i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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