Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
