All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
